Up Script Mix!
by MeganKoumori
Summary: What happens when our favorite Football Head and crew get the wrong scripts? Chaos? Anarchy? Or just me being goofy? Special surprise guest star at the end!


Note: Forgive me if some of the dialog isn't exact. It's been ages (Or so it seems) since I watched 'Hey Arnold' and I'm writing mostly from memory.

* * *

The puck slid on the slick surface, racing toward the small hole at the end of the table. Coach Wittenberg's eyes followed it, his hand clutched on the paddle, waving it back and forth. Suddenly, he smiled and let the disc slide past his wrist. He had lost.

His ex-wife jumped for joy. "Yes!" She cheered and shot him a smug smile. "Why can't you just admit it, Jack? _I'm_ number one!"

"You keep the money."

Tish Wittenberg blinked. "What did you say?"

"You keep the money." Coach Wittenberg repeated.

Tish narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean, 'You keep the money?' What money?"

The coach shrugged helplessly. "You keep the money."

Tish threw down her air hockey paddle. "That's it Jack! If you're going to be immature about this, then I'm leaving!" As the arcade doors, she yelled over her shoulder, "And don't call me!"

As the doors closed, Arnold turned to the coach. "Coach Wittenberg, why did you keep saying, 'You keep the money?' Why didn't you tell her she was number one?"

Coach scratched his head and pulled a paper book out of his pocket. "Sorry Arnie, but that's what the script says! 'You keep the money!' 'You keep the money!' See?" He held it so the nine-year-old could take a look.

"Uh, Coach," Said Arnold. "This is the script for 'Arnold as Cupid!'"

"But this is the absolute, one and only, singlest single script I got!"

Arnold and Coach Wittenberg looked at each other._ "Uh-oh..."_

* * *

As the curtain closed, Gerald smiled to himself. The thunderous applause of the audience still roared in the background. He felt proud.

Stinky smiled and drawled, "I never lost faith in ya', Gerald-Ow!" He cried as Gerald knocked him in the trashcan as he passed.

In her pretty blue dress, Phoebe smiled shyly as Gerald approached. Suddenly she grabbed him. "Principal Wartz!"

"What?" Said Gerald startled.

"He's dead! I killed Principal Wartz!" She pulled out a voodoo doll made of soap. "What have I done?" She wailed.

Behind Gerald, Arnold took his arm. "Time to go Gerald."

"Yeah," Said Gerald, shaken as he backed away from Phoebe. "Let's run!"

* * *

In his comfortable armchair, Big Bob guffawed loudly. "Oh these crazy situation comedies!"

"Dad!" Cried Helga, running into the living room. "Is it true?"

"No Helga!" The Beeper King said irritated. "It's just a made up story! Those are all actors!"

"No, Dad!" Helga rolled her eyes as she stood behind the chair. "I meant the tree! Are you really going to cut it down?"

"Oh absolutely!" Helga gasped at his affirmation. "We're cutting that sucker down right at the knees! Zing!"

"But Dad! We all love Mighty Pete!"

Bob kept his eyes glued on the screen. "If you ask me, you're just jealous because I'm more womanly and feminine!" He took a large swing of soda and let out a loud, echoing belch.

Helga's face twisted. "Uh…what?"

"Now if you'll excuse me, this gorgeous kisser's got a date with a bowl of guacamole!" Bob punctuated the statement with a girlish giggle.

"Ok, Bob…" Helga backed away. "You just keep watching TV!" She turned and ran out of the living room. "Miriam! I think Bob's gotten into your smoothies!"

* * *

Principal Wartz surveyed the class. "Your teacher, Ms. Slovack, has left the teaching field to pursue her dream of becoming a professional golfer. Hence, she will no longer be your teacher."

The classroom broke into loud cheers.

"Now, I want you all to courteous to your new teacher, Mr. Simmons." Principal Wartz wrote his name on the board.

The door swung open and Mr. Simmons ran in. He jumped up on the desk. "Watch me! Hey!" He cried, then began to dance as he sang. _"Now you think you got to bring me down! Now you think you got to push me all around! But wait! Don't hit me! I'll hit me!"_ He slapped himself in the face repeatedly. "_I'M CRAZY!"_

The class sat in shocked silence. Wartz pulled out a walky-talky from his pocket. "Security, we have a manic lunatic in the fourth grade classroom. Yes, bring the tranquilizer."

Mr. Simmons was hitting himself in the head with a binder. _"I'M CRAZY!"_ He shouted again.

Helga sat back with her arms crossed. "What a nut job." She muttered.

* * *

Arnold, bat slung over his shoulder, approached Harold's front porch, Gerald by his side. "Hey Harold! You missed practice!"

Harold stepped off the porch and sighed deeply. "Suddenly I feel inspired!"

"That doesn't explain why you missed practice." Said Gerald crossly.

Harold began to recite. _"'H is for the head I like to punt!"_

"Huh?"

"'_E is for every time I see the little runt! L is longing for our firstest kiss…'"_

Both boys grimaced at the last stanza. "Ew-hew yuck!" Cried Gerald.

"Ok, Harold…" Said Arnold, backing up. "You've obviously had too much sun or something…"

"More like sniffed some paint fumes!" Gerald added. "Let's get out of here!"

"Wait, I'm not done!" Harold called. He restrained both boys by the arms and pulled them back. _"'G is for how good that longing is! And…'"_

Suddenly there was a pink blur by the trio. "Helga?"

Helga had grabbed the script for "Little Pink Book" out of Harold's pocket. She tried to shove it in her mouth, but only succeeded in pushing the booklet half way in. Salvia dribbled down the page and past her chin.

"Helga!" Cried Arnold in surprise. "What are you doing?"

Helga shrugged haplessly. "Firff shpit bwall of da thay…" She drooled.

Arnold looked at Gerald. "Is it just me, or is something weird going on around here?"

Gerald nodded in agreement. "We have to ask ourselves: What would UltraLord do?"

"_What?"_ Arnold almost screeched.

Gerald shrugged. "Beats me, Man! I'm just following the script!" He handed his to Arnold.

The football headed boy read the title. "'Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius?' Never heard of him." The two boys stared to walk away. "Do you think that somewhere the people in this show got our scripts?"

Gerald waved him off. "Who cares? I'm going home and going to bed! This has been the weirdest day ever!"

* * *

Meanwhile in another universe:

Sheen danced around the schoolyard. _"'You beautiful doll! You great big beautiful doll!'"_ He sang. _"I don't know the words and I don't care because I'm losing my hair!' _Hey Libs, join me!"

His girlfriend, already furrowing her brow, shook her head. "Uh-uh! I ain't singing some crazy song!" She turned and walked towards the school. "And tell Carl to get the bow out of his hair!"

* * *

The End.


End file.
